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I just dropped off my 4 year old son Sam for preschool. He goes to preschool 3 days a week so why is today any different than any other day that I drop him off? Today he had his very first field trip, very exciting, indeed! He had been looking forward to this big kid experience all week long, and couldn’t wait to go on this big adventure. But, he didn’t want me to go with him!
His class of 11 students and 3 teachers walked across the street to the fire station for fire safety week. Total time length of the field trip about 45 minutes, total distance about ¼ mile, round-trip! Truly not a big field trip to most, but nonetheless very exciting to a four year old! This was to be his first time exploring the world with someone other than mommy or daddy, and does it get any better for a four year old boy than going to see big red trucks and firemen? Parents were invited to come along so I asked Sam if he wanted mommy to come as some of the other mommies might be going. His answer to me was “Well, I’ll be just fine with my teachers and friends”.
Why did those words sting so much “Well, I’ll be just fine with my teachers and friends”? I was not expecting this kind of independence at 4. Was I as independent at that age? Was my mom ready for it when it happened? We are together almost constantly, except for the few hours, 3 times a week when he is in preschool, so you would think that a break from each other would be desirable. Don’t misunderstand, we do have our time apart, when daddy comes home from work and spends time with him. Honestly maybe he is tired of being with me, and of course, daddy is more fun then mommy!
Last year in preschool Sam was a bit clingy to me and had a hard time with the separation, so this bit of independence is a great accomplishment and period of growth for him. Still, why did those words sting so much “well, I’ll be just fine with my teachers and friends”? Are we as mothers, ever really ready to hear those words? Do we ever really want to believe that our children don’t need us as much as we think they do?
Imagining him while he was walking with his friends and actually at the fire station, he must have felt like such a big kid, and that makes me feel pleased. How proud of himself he must have been to be out and about on an important field trip without mom and dad. What was he thinking and feeling? Was he scared or unsure at all, or was he having a blast and excited the entire time? I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall to see him in this first independent experience. Am I an overprotective mother for wondering these things, or is this natural thinking for all mothers?
We all want our children to grow up happy, healthy, and independent. We try to teach them all we can and look after them along the way. Each new skill they attain brings them one step closer to becoming independent, but when do we as mothers really become ready for them to be independent, without us?
As I waited in the hallway for Sam’s class to be dismissed, I wondered, with this big experience under his belt how will he be? Teacher Brenda called his name when it was his turn to leave and he came to the door with his backpack and jacket in his hand. He saw me and smiled, ran towards me said “Mommy!’ in his usually happy voice, and squeezed me tight with his big hug. I was needed, and I was happy!
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